I have times when I’m not feeling up to par, we all do. Lately, I stopped putting my attention where it should be and this past week has been especially difficult. Life has been a bit overwhelming recently and sometimes, when life throws me curveballs, it takes a minute to remember how amazing it really is. No matter what’s going on. I’ve had to really focus on turning fear into growth
I was having a particularly rough day. I was caught up in self and just drowning in my monkey mind. An amazing man said something to me that resonated…”everything will be ok, everything IS ok!” I’m not even sure he realized how deeply that hit home with me.
Nothing I’m going through defines me on a deeper level. None of it changes who I really am…that I KNOW!
It may sound simple, “everything IS ok”, but when I get in that place it just takes that one thing. That one comment, kind word or positive affirmation in a book or meh-meh for things to click and remind me of the bigger picture.
Everything IS great. I have an amazing family and man in my life, supportive friends around me, a great job and a new love for fitness and physical health. Even though I’ve been trying to focus on staying positive on the outside I wasn’t truly listening. I was hearing the positive words, I was even saying them, but I wasn’t really listening.
After that gentle reminder I started to see the signs.
Signs God has been sending, but I wasn’t seeing. The signs are everywhere…I just had to start looking for them…again!
It’s not always easy. Sometimes the fear and anxiety can creep up so slowly I don’t even notice my focus and mindset changing. I don’t even realize I’ve lost control of my thoughts.
I needed that reminder to put my gratitude glasses back on, because I get what I focus on!
I’ve been focusing on the “what ifs” instead of the “what is” and that’s a scary place to get caught up in. When I’m in that fog I start seeing everything through fear and I forget to be grateful for what I have. I start making mental decisions, based on a fear of pushing through, and I start seeing all the things to justify that decision. I start making excuses to stay in my comfort zone.
One of the biggest lessons I learned in relationship counseling is we’re in charge of how we perceive things. Whether we realize it or not we choose how we feel. Nobody has the power to make us feel anything, that’s all our own thinking. It was explained to me like this; we make that decision to stop loving someone, or to love them, and we immediately begin finding all the reasons to justify that decision.
That lesson has held true in numerous situations throughout my life that had nothing to do with relationships. There were so many times when I wanted to take the easy road. I’d start to focus on all the reasons to run or quit. If I believe what I’m telling myself, if I can find a good enough excuse, it became my truth. The reality is if I’m in fear of something it’s usually because I’m about to do something really brave. Sitting around like a baby pants isn’t an option for me anymore.
Throughout my journey I’ve learned that, when I’m faced with difficult situations, it’s important to get really honest with myself. Am I making this decision based on self? Is this decision coming from a place of integrity or fear and laziness. I think that’s where my head starts going when the anxiety creep in. It starts the process of reverting back to living in fear and wanting to run from possible failure. Thank God for the ability to see that in myself today! Perseverance brings change and small victories turn into big wins real quick.
I’m not always great about opening up.
When I feel myself getting sad I want to fix it…all by myself. I want to be in control and I fear burdening others. That stems from perfectionism…one of my character defects. Unfortunately, keeping it all in has caused me more pain than relief. I’m learning to turn that into an asset and lean on other people. Turns out people who care about you want to be there for you and many times their feedback is an immense help. Again, thank God for the ability to see that today. Trying to keep everything under control was exhausting and impossible!
I still have to make a conscious effort to call someone when I need to talk.
Reaching out does not come natural to me. I also have to make an effort to trust new people who come into my life. I don’t talk to many people on a deep level. Not because I don’t like people, but because when I let people in I FULLY let them in. That can be a fragile place so, it takes a minute for me to open up and I still struggle with it at times. It’s not always comfortable, but it’s necessary.
Even though my happiness is up to me, it feels good to know I’m not alone. That people are around me supporting and rooting for my success and happiness. Pushing myself is imperative to growth.
I really needed that reminder that everything is OK. That it’s OK to fully be where I’m at. To fully be here. Here is not where I’m going, or where I’d like to be, but I have to appreciate the now. The now is a necessity. The now creates that drive and motivation to push through the fear. When I feel backed in a corner, that’s when I break through my perceived boundaries and am catapulted into amazing new experiences!
The now also helps me appreciate the support I have and the people in my life. If it wasn’t for difficult times, and people who are there for me, I may take them for granted. Getting vulnerable allowed me to appreciate myself and that man even more. Being vulnerable takes strength.
It’s OK if I’m not where I want to be. I don’t think I’d appreciate the amazing future in front of me if the journey was easy. I like the hard stuff…every time I come out of a rut I’m that much stronger and brighter. And that makes me proud to be me.